I Need Ideas

So, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday for the Catholics and various other Christian denominations. It's a day when you see random people walking around with grey stuff smudged on their foreheads and you had damned well better not mention it because boy, will they give you a go-fuck-yourself-and-die look. Not that I know this by experience or anything.

For the record, if you ever see me walking around with a big black smudge on my forehead, please wipe it off for me. I won't even complain too much if you lick your thumb first like a mom (though it won't be as effective, because everyone knows that only True Mother's Spit has the magical properties required to properly get stuff off faces).

So I was thinking. I think atheists need a special day where we walk around with some glaring abnormality and get insanely pissed off if anyone questions us about it. Maybe Open Fly Friday, or Shirt Buttoned Wrong Saturday, or Tag Out Tuesday (ooo...that last one came to me all of a sudden and it is my favorite...).

Ideas for our new special day? Do the Pastafarians already have something like this (I know; Google is my friend, but I don't really care enough to look it up).

One More Thing...Okay, Two.

Sorry. This Chick Tract panel made me snicker. Because you know, I'm 12.
I'm pretty sure she didn't get preggers when HG came upon her.

Updated

Oh, for the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, they have to be doing this on purpose.Well, if it's true that the pathway to a man's heart is through his stomach, I've got some bad news for you, Abdul.

I...I Don't Know What to Say.

Sometimes I read Chick Tracts. Because they are so awesomely bad. Badly drawn, badly conceived, badly written. And oh so hilarious. It's like a big, gooey slice of what-the-fuck??? pie.

Today I saw a new tract, hot off the press. And I have never been so disgusted in my life.

Read it here.

1. How do they come up with this stuff? Seriously, what the fuck?
2. Okay, so the skinwalker thing is based on a Native American legend. It's a story. It looks as if Jack and his writers think it is real. I suppose that isn't much of a stretch for someone who believes that a guy walked on water and the earth is only 6000 years old, but still. I'm floored.
3. Let's see...how can we insult an entire culture? Oh! Oh, oh, oh! I have a great idea! Let's demonize them in a story and explain how they will all burn eternally in hell unless they change into us!
4. The Native American lady goes to hell at the end. Not because she shot a guy; but because she didn't kiss the haloed ass of Jesus. They just stuck the shooting of the guy in there so we wouldn't think about the fact that the children of the tribe and all the nice people in the tribe are going to hell, too. Because Jesus loves them.
5. I can't say it enough. What. The. Fuck.

Quick Tuesday Funny

So, tonight my daughter and I were having a little talk. My life is changing now that I'm a free woman, and there are things that I will start doing that she may not want to know about. Like dating. And stuff. So, the point of the conversation was that I will not lie to her (lying is a severely punishable offense in my home); so don't ask me questions to which you do not want to know the answer.

So she asks, "Have you ever had sex for money?"

I easily and truthfully answered, "No."

"...unless you count marriage."

Quickie Post - Question for My Male Readers

I'm just curious.

When being complimented by males over the past few years, they have referred to me as "sexy." More than one man has used this same word.

My question is, what is the distinction between "sexy" and "hot?" I can't think of a time I've ever even used the word "sexy," except to describe a singer's voice. (yes, voice. shutty.)

So okay, male readers. It's time for you to sack up and leave an answer in the comments. I know there are more of you than Dr. Kiwi and Runolfr.

Speaking from Experience

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm just now recovering from the holiday whirlwind.

My cat has some issues that cause him to be prone to certain infections. They are not life-threatening, but very uncomfortable for him. As a result, I have to administer medications when he does get sick. I've put together a little quick-reference list for those who don't have experience with giving pills to cats. Enjoy.

How to Give a Cat a Pill

1. Pick up cat and hold as you would a baby about to take a bottle. Use your forefinger and thumb to apply gentle pressure to the sides of the jaw to pry open the mouth. Be patient.
   
2. Drop pill into cat’s mouth. Pay close attention to where he spits out pill as he runs away.
   
3. Pick up the pill from the floor and retrieve the cat from under the living room couch. Scratch his head to calm him, and repeat steps 1 and 2.
   
4. Go upstairs and get cat from under the bed, and throw away the soggy pill. Take a second pill from the bottle, and sit in bedroom floor with the cat. This time, cradle cat so that rear paws are constrained. Open cat’s mouth and drop in pill. Hold cat’s mouth closed for a few seconds.
   
5. Apply pressure to the arm that was constraining the rear paws to stop the bleeding.
   
6. Pick up half-dissolved pill and discard. Take another pill from bottle. Search house for cat.
   
7. Call neighbor and ask him to hold the cat for you while you administer the pill. Hold cat’s mouth open with one hand and place the pill at the back of cat’s throat with the other.
   
8. Clean, disinfect, and bandage neighbor’s hands. Retrieve pill remnants from his hair. Take another pill from bottle.
   
9. Get cat down from curtain rod.
   
10. Take cat to bedroom and gently lay on him with his face sticking out from under your armpit. Pry open cat’s mouth and drop pill in.
    
11. Recover pill from under bed. Pretreat bedcover with an enzyme treatment before laundering to aid in full removal of blood stains. Drive to local clinic for stitches.
    
12. Upon returning home, find a sterile eyedropper and fill with cool water. Gather cat and head to the bathroom. Find a fluffy towel, sit on floor with cat, and swaddle him in towel.
    
13. Open cat’s mouth and drop pill in, followed by dropperfull of water.
    
14. Retrieve cat from top of shower rod. Go ahead and flush toilet (where pill landed) and take another pill from bottle. Check scalp for bleeding; treat as necessary.
    
15. Call vet to inform him that you are having issues. Hang up the phone after he tells you that the medication can be administerd by him in one dose via shot.
    
    IMPORTANT: Do not call your lawyer until after you return from the veterinarian’s office. If you call before leaving, the phone call is evidence of premeditation (murder one) and reduces your chances for an insanity plea.
    

Is God Dead?

A question that theists often ask atheists is, "If God does not exist, then why do so many people believe in him? Do you really think that almost everyone else in the whole history of the world is stupid?"

I do not believe that people who historically believed or currently believe in a god or gods are stupid. I believe they are acting on an evolved, basic human need.

I also believe that the basis for this need is diminishing rapidly, and that eventually (though probably not in my lifetime) we will further evolve to lack this need.

The number of people who identify as non-religious, atheist, agnostic, etc., is growing rapidly. This begs the question:

Is God dead? Or dying?

More specifically, has the anthropomorphic theistic god morphed over time into the more ideological pantheistic god, and possibly on to the mostly benign deistic god?

Philosophically speaking, I do believe that this is what is happening.

While I don't believe that the theistic god(s) ever literally existed, I do see where the world once had a need for it/them.

In early human history, there was the perception that everything that was not caused directly by humans was magic. Lightning? Magic. Earthquake? Magic. Solar eclipse? HOLYSHITMAGIC! When people have very little to no understanding of the natural world, they construct their own explanations. Humans have a need to understand why things happen, and history has shown that we will satisfy that need; when presented with a question for which a real answer is not readily available, we will substitute our own artificial reality: the God of the Gaps.

As we have evolved and developed, humans have sought knowledge; we have hypothesized and tested and learned. The god of the gaps has become the answer to fewer and fewer questions.

How do plants grow?
Old answer: God
Current answer: Carbohydrates are synthesized from carbon dioxide and water using light as an energy source; otherwise known as photosynthesis.

What makes a rainbow?
Old answer: God
Current answer: The refractive dispersion of sunlight in drops of rain or mist.

What created the Universe?
Old answer: God
Current answer: The Big Bang. Probably. Actually, we're still working on that one.

My point is, the trend is that eventually, science tends to answer the questions. Will we ever have a solid answer for where the Universe came from? Maybe. Will we ever know for sure what happens when we die? Maybe. There's no way of knowing right now what we will and will not discover; but that does not mean that the answer is God.

There are still many today, the majority, in fact, who cling to the idea of the father god, the creator, as the answer to the questions that remain a mystery; but the fact is that with technological advances and easy access to instant worldwide communication, the gaps are closing faster than ever. Someday there will be no need for a supernatural explanation for anything at all. Eventually, people will have no choice but to concede that their religion is no more than superstition, and it has been replaced with knowledge and reality. This is, essentially, the death of God.

Update: This post is essentially a repost of a response I wrote to a forum post by khalis at Nashville Gothic. I initially did not reference the post for the sake of anonymity, since I had not previously mentioned that I am in the Nashville area. But fuck it. If you're here in the first place, you're at least thinking about atheism, right?

And I couldn't possibly come up with musings on Nietzsche's idea on my own.