Saturday, October 10, 2009

No Pollack Jokes, Please

Even though they are funny and my very good friend who is Polish and a first generation American finds them funny and isn't offended at all.

But this post isn't about racial jokes. It's about this article.

Apparently, there was a miracle in a Catholic Church in Poland.
The miracle happened during the mass. One of local priests was giving the Holy
Communion when suddenly it fell down on the floor. So he took it and put into a
chalice. After several days the chalice was filled with red water which was
poured out on a special ceremonial tablecloth. As it turned out, there was also
a strange things examined by the doctors. According to them it was a part of
human heart at the point of death condition.

I have both questions and observations regarding this alleged miracle.

First, I should point out that I was an evangelical christian, not a catholic, so I never believed in the literal transubstantiation of the host. We believed that communion, or the "Lord's Supper" as we called it, was a purely symbolic ritual. We still took it very seriously; but we did not believe that the crackers and grape juice (obviously we couldn't use real wine!) literally turned into human flesh.

From what I understand, catholics do believe in literal transubstantiation. So, if they believe that communion turns into literal flesh and blood every time it is blessed and given, then why call this a miracle? Is it because it turned into a heart? Is it supposed to turn into pancreas or gallbladder instead? I'd think that heart would be just as normal as any other organ or body part. Is it a miracle that it transfigured in a chalice rather than in the digestive system of a devout believer? Maybe that's it. We'll go with that.

Obviously, I don't believe that an actual miracle occurred. What disturbs me is that the article claims that a doctor examined the thing and declared that it "was a part of human heart at the point of death condition."


Two possibilities immediately come to mind. Either 1) the doctor was lying, hoping that a for-real miracle would be attributed to his church and he'd have some measure of fame for confirming it, or 2) someone hacked a hunk of heart out of a human corpse and slipped it into the chalice.

That's just gross.

It's also a crime. I don't know about Poland, but in America, people donate their organs to save lives, or they donate their bodies to science for medical and forensic studies, but they don't just sign their bodies over for people to hack away at their organs for practical jokes or miracle-making.

Although that would be quite funny. Maybe I'll donate my body to Penn & Teller so they can do some kind of sick magic trick that can be verified by a medical examiner. Hilarious.

Anyway, whatever happened in Poland, I'm quite sure it was not a miracle. It was either a lie driven by a fame hungry doctor or a really sick attempt at manufacturing a miracle. I would not put either past those who hold religious power.


AphroditeRising said...

My mother is a catholic, and she believes wholeheartedly in the literal transfiguration.

Penn & Teller = What the Fuck?

I don't get it. But I do get that Jesus' body and blood are quite nummy and I developed quite a taste for him. I can't eat him anymore because 1) I'm a celiac and it's made from wheat 2) I'd spontaneously combust and go straight to hell 3)I don't believe so I don't technically get to have it anymore -like the Soup Nazi - "No Christ for YOU!"

I bought a bottle of Christ's blood the other day, though. Did you know you can BUY that stuff at a LIQUOR store? Awesome.

KiwiInOz said...

Transubstantiation, not transfiguration. Transfiguration is magic, like in Harry Potter. Transubstantiation is ... well, its ... oh, as you were.

Word ver. pantr. As in 'A pantr' - what N and KiwiInOz are when they see Aphrodites pictures. Otherwise it could be one of those big black cats.

AphroditeRising said...

Oh sure, smartypants. What, you think you're some kind of brainy guy? What, you come in here flashing all your IQ points to the slutty chick thinking she'll want to get in your pants?

Whatever Australia dude.

I'll take the smart chick with humor. She's hot.


LOL, kidding, you're right, of course, about the word. Shows what a terrible Catholic I was! Either way it's fucking nutty. HOW can people really believe that stuff???!

N said...

Yes. It should have said transubstantiation. I must have had Richard Strauss on the brain.

That's my story, anyway; and I'm sticking to it.

N said...

Okay. I've fixed the transfiguration/transubstantiation error. I feel better now.

guitarsean said...

I want to know if somebody ate it anyway. I mean, that's what you're supposed to do, right?

(lol - my 'captcha' to post my comment is 'ingesti', it must be a sign.)