I Am A Freak

But I totally want one of these. First thing on the list after a lottery win.

STOP JUDGING ME.

http://www.dominicwilcox.com/orgasmatron.html

Best. Show. Ever.

I just discovered a new program on HBO that all my fellow skeptics and atheists must watch. The Ricky Gervais Show. 8:00 Central time on Friday night on HBO. Holy shit it is funny.

I'm not sure whether the actual premise of the show is skepticism (though I know that Gervais is an outspoken skeptic and atheist), but what I saw of tonight's show was basically Ricky and his sidekick mocking the shit out of another guy who kept spouting off indefensible random ideas, with no facts to back them up, treating them as "truths." I can't explain it; it was just fucking funny. Watch it. It's animated.

Oh my fucking Flying Spaghetti Monster. It is funny.

I Need Ideas

So, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday for the Catholics and various other Christian denominations. It's a day when you see random people walking around with grey stuff smudged on their foreheads and you had damned well better not mention it because boy, will they give you a go-fuck-yourself-and-die look. Not that I know this by experience or anything.

For the record, if you ever see me walking around with a big black smudge on my forehead, please wipe it off for me. I won't even complain too much if you lick your thumb first like a mom (though it won't be as effective, because everyone knows that only True Mother's Spit has the magical properties required to properly get stuff off faces).

So I was thinking. I think atheists need a special day where we walk around with some glaring abnormality and get insanely pissed off if anyone questions us about it. Maybe Open Fly Friday, or Shirt Buttoned Wrong Saturday, or Tag Out Tuesday (ooo...that last one came to me all of a sudden and it is my favorite...).

Ideas for our new special day? Do the Pastafarians already have something like this (I know; Google is my friend, but I don't really care enough to look it up).

One More Thing...Okay, Two.

Sorry. This Chick Tract panel made me snicker. Because you know, I'm 12.
I'm pretty sure she didn't get preggers when HG came upon her.

Updated

Oh, for the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, they have to be doing this on purpose.Well, if it's true that the pathway to a man's heart is through his stomach, I've got some bad news for you, Abdul.

I...I Don't Know What to Say.

Sometimes I read Chick Tracts. Because they are so awesomely bad. Badly drawn, badly conceived, badly written. And oh so hilarious. It's like a big, gooey slice of what-the-fuck??? pie.

Today I saw a new tract, hot off the press. And I have never been so disgusted in my life.

Read it here.

1. How do they come up with this stuff? Seriously, what the fuck?
2. Okay, so the skinwalker thing is based on a Native American legend. It's a story. It looks as if Jack and his writers think it is real. I suppose that isn't much of a stretch for someone who believes that a guy walked on water and the earth is only 6000 years old, but still. I'm floored.
3. Let's see...how can we insult an entire culture? Oh! Oh, oh, oh! I have a great idea! Let's demonize them in a story and explain how they will all burn eternally in hell unless they change into us!
4. The Native American lady goes to hell at the end. Not because she shot a guy; but because she didn't kiss the haloed ass of Jesus. They just stuck the shooting of the guy in there so we wouldn't think about the fact that the children of the tribe and all the nice people in the tribe are going to hell, too. Because Jesus loves them.
5. I can't say it enough. What. The. Fuck.

Quick Tuesday Funny

So, tonight my daughter and I were having a little talk. My life is changing now that I'm a free woman, and there are things that I will start doing that she may not want to know about. Like dating. And stuff. So, the point of the conversation was that I will not lie to her (lying is a severely punishable offense in my home); so don't ask me questions to which you do not want to know the answer.

So she asks, "Have you ever had sex for money?"

I easily and truthfully answered, "No."

"...unless you count marriage."