A New Random 7

They are themselves random, and they are posted at random times. This is the nature of the Random 7.

1. Sometimes, when your uterus is falling out and your hormones are making you feel like you need to set something on fire, cookies help.
   
2. Also? Beer.
   
3. Sometimes, I do things that are only funny to me. I don't care whether anyone else thinks it's funny; it makes me laugh and it makes me happy. For instance (Note to my daughter: you are going to want to skip this one and go straight to #4; DO NOT READ IT AND IF YOU DO THEN YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN BECAUSE I WARNED YOU), the face washing product I use looks very much like semen. Recently when I was showering with someone, I said, "Hey, look at this..." and proceeded to squirt a glop of it on my face like a money shot. I laughed and laughed. I think he was only moderately amused. Actually, I think it may have only been a pity snicker.
   
4. My daughter read that last one. She would have laughed if anyone else in the world wrote it. But now she's traumatized.
   
5. I have a new job and my boss is totally cool. I can say things to him that are entirely inappropriate and he just laughs at them. It is awesome.
   
6. I also have a totally sexy coworker across the cubicle wall from me. He's the guy from #3.
   
7. My daughter just got pissed off again because she read that one. I didn't warn her about it because I knew it wouldn't do any good.